| The access that teens have today to information | | | | often have computers and cell phones in their rooms |
| and to other people through the internet is | | | | where parents are unable to monitor what they are |
| overwhelming and also very scary at times. It is even | | | | doing. In addition, teens can be sitting beside their |
| scarier to think about how many people have access | | | | parents text messaging and parents have no idea |
| to your teen through the internet and what | | | | what the content of the messaging is. It is very easy |
| information they are able to obtain if neither you nor | | | | for teens to meet people on the internet who they |
| your teen are informed about the risks and danger | | | | do not know. Teens exchange "profiles" and |
| involved in sharing information with strangers online. | | | | sometimes pictures with strangers and begin to |
| In order to come up with an action plan for how you | | | | develop a relationship with these individuals. What is |
| can best monitor your teen's emailing, instant | | | | scary about this, is that teenagers may want to |
| messaging and text messaging and help keep them | | | | actually meet the person they have been |
| safe, it is important to understand how teens use | | | | communicating with who may or may not be who |
| these three forms of communication. | | | | they say they are. It is much harder for parents to |
| Email: this is the oldest and most basic form of | | | | monitor or gain information about their teenager's |
| communication used by many individuals and allows | | | | friends when they are meeting people who are not |
| teens to keep in touch with others through typing | | | | from their community. I have personally worked with |
| messages and sending them to friends. Email | | | | teenagers who met "friends" over the internet who |
| accounts are generally free and are very easy to | | | | ended up victimizing them upon meeting them in |
| obtain. Teens may check their emails many times | | | | person. This is obviously devastating for these teens |
| throughout the day and may write many, many | | | | and their families. Finally, teens can be harassed by |
| emails throughout the day. Teens do not need | | | | other teens via text messaging and email (cyber |
| parental consent or approval to obtain email accounts. | | | | bullying). This can be very painful and scary for |
| Instant Messaging: this is probably used much more | | | | teenagers who may feel very alone and anxious |
| frequently by teens than traditional email. Instant | | | | about cruel messages or threats sent to them. |
| messaging (IM) generally involves much shorter | | | | As a parent, there are certain steps you can take to |
| messages than emails. Messages are generally not full | | | | help your teenager manage their emails, IM's and text |
| sentences and use many abbreviations and shortened | | | | messages safely and effectively. |
| words to make for quicker messaging. These | | | | 1. Educate your teen about the permanency of their |
| messages are generally sent back and forth very | | | | messages and photos. Make sure your teenagers |
| quickly (either via the computer or cell phone) and | | | | know that their messages never go away (even |
| can appear to be in a code which is difficult for | | | | when deleted) and that they can come back and |
| parents to read and understand. IMing may be done | | | | haunt them in the near or distant future so that they |
| with people teens know as well as some they don't | | | | are more likely to think about what they are sending |
| know but who they have met online or electronically. | | | | before actually sending it. Make sure that they are |
| Text Messaging: this is now a normal part of teenage | | | | aware that messages can be forwarded to many, |
| (and adult) culture. Text messaging can be used from | | | | many people and remind them not to say anything |
| most cellular phones (as long as it is part of the | | | | that could come back to haunt them. |
| service plan) and can be done quickly and often. | | | | 2. Remind your teen to not open links or |
| Since teenagers usually have their cell phones with | | | | attachments unless they know who they are from. |
| them, text messaging is always accessible to them | | | | Often times these contain pornographic photos or |
| and they are always accessible to those who are | | | | content or could generate junk emails or |
| text messaging them. Text messaging, like instant | | | | inappropriate emails to their account. |
| messaging, does not usually involve using full | | | | 3. Randomly check who your teen is communicating |
| sentences and often involves the use of shortened | | | | with. In most instances, parents have purchased or |
| words or abbreviations which can be difficult for | | | | are paying for their teenager's computers or phones |
| adults to figure out or understand. | | | | so they absolutely have a right to be checking them. |
| All three forms of communication mentioned above | | | | At least 1/3 of teens report that their parent would |
| can be very healthy for teens and are a very normal | | | | not approve of all that they are doing online. If they |
| part of teenage life with today's technology. | | | | are using their computer or phone inappropriately |
| However, here are three, significant potential | | | | then, as the parent, you should take it away until |
| problems with these forms of communication which | | | | they can adhere to your expectations. |
| parents need to be aware of and help their teens | | | | 4. Put your computer in a public place if possible. |
| manage. | | | | Doing this will automatically increase your ability to |
| 1. Constant Distraction Teens have access to their | | | | supervise your teenagers email and IM activity. |
| email, IMing and text messaging much of the time | | | | 5. Set clear expectations and follow through. Be very |
| which can create problems when they are required | | | | clear with your teenager about what they can and |
| to concentrate on other things. For example, teens | | | | cannot do with their computer and/or phone. They |
| who have computers in their room or who can get | | | | may tell you that you don't understand and that |
| email access or text messaging through their phones | | | | nobody else has restrictions on their computer use, |
| tend to respond each and every time they hear the | | | | however, you have every right to set up clear rules |
| signal that someone is trying to contact them. I | | | | and guidelines for your teenager. Some parents |
| often seen teens out to dinner with their families | | | | restrict use until homework is done, take away |
| with their phones out the entire time text messaging | | | | certain features if grades fall (i.e. no text messaging |
| friends rather than spending time talking with their | | | | on their phone) or set expectations that their |
| parents or other family / friends who are present | | | | teenager not erase any history on their phone or |
| with them. In addition, this can be a major homework | | | | computer so that it can be checked regularly. |
| distraction for teenagers. It becomes difficult for | | | | 6. Educate your teenager about not sharing personal |
| teens to remain focused on studying or completing | | | | information with people they do not know. Make sure |
| assignments when interrupted constantly by emails, | | | | your teen knows never to share their address or |
| IM's and text messages. | | | | detailed information about themselves with people |
| 2. Permanency of Communication Many teens do not | | | | they do not know. In addition, make sure they do |
| realize that all the messages and pictures they are | | | | not share any information related to your finances, |
| sending are permanent. It is much different than | | | | banking information, etc. which could result in identify |
| calling someone and having a person to person | | | | theft. |
| conversation. I have seen teenagers get in trouble | | | | 7. Let them know you are there. Let your teenager |
| because of messages or pictures they sent which | | | | know that they can come to you if they are worried |
| were not appropriate or which were threatening | | | | or have questions about anything. Many times teens |
| towards someone (even if they did not have any | | | | won't seek support and will get themselves into |
| intent of carrying out their threat). I have also seen | | | | more trouble because they are afraid to let someone |
| teenagers heartbroken because something they | | | | know what is happening. Reminding them that you |
| emailed or text messaged someone in confidence | | | | are there to help and support them may make a |
| was shared with others. Every message and picture | | | | difference should a time arise when they are scared |
| sent can be forwarded and shared with many, many | | | | or worried and really need your support. |
| people which can end up being devastating for teens. | | | | For the most part, technology is great and allows |
| 3. Safety Issues Because of the communication | | | | teens to gain access to information that can help |
| technology available to teens today, there are many | | | | educate them and broaden their horizons. Being |
| more risks and there is generally much less parental | | | | aware of how your teenager is using technology and |
| supervision. It is very different from the days where | | | | providing education to them will help ensure that they |
| there were one or two land line phones in a home | | | | are safe and responsible with their emailing, instant |
| that were shared by all family members and usually in | | | | messaging and text messaging. |
| community spaces in the home. Now, teenagers | | | | |